Have you ever noticed that you can be going along in a relationship, thinking things are just fine, and suddenly the bottom drops out and everything falls apart?

This happens in all kinds of relationships: business, romantic, friendships and family. For some reason (the moon is weird, the wind blew the wrong way, or whatever) what was good for a long time suddenly isn’t so good anymore.

This has been one of those years for both my husband and me. Fortunately, our relationship with each other is really good and solid and we work at keeping it that way. However, with little or no warning, all kinds of others have faded away or fallen apart. One day we were happily thinking that things are as they’ve always been, and then whoops, everything changed.

This relationship ebb and flow reminds me of the ocean. When the tide is consistent and I can count on it coming and going as always, I can work with it, know what to expect, and things are good. Then a sneaker wave comes along, knocks me down, and tries to suck me and everything else far out to sea.

Sometimes when this happens, things wash ashore and I can salvage them. Sometimes they’re just gone.

I’m still reeling from being hit by several of those relational sneaker waves this year, and am sorting through the debris to see how it happened and what is left.

I’ve realized that in some cases, what was is most likely destroyed. The question is whether there is a way to rebuild it in a new way, or if it’s just gone. Some I can let go of, but with others, I fervently hope that rebuilding is an option. The challenge now is how to do it and ensure the new ones will be stronger and better able to weather the next big wave.

Also, amidst the devastation, I am starting to focus on the positives. I’ve learned that I am stronger and more resilient than I knew. I’ve also learned that I always have a choice. I can continue to live in the past, obsess about the various turns of events, and make myself a victim. Or I can stand tall, learn the lessons and move ahead.

I will always remember this year as the time I learned how fragile relationships are, and how important it is to continuously nurture them so they will be strong enough to survive whatever storms may come.

Sandra Abell

Sandy is a best-selling author, life, and business coach, speaker, and Licensed Counselor. She specializes in working with professionals, entrepreneurs, and people dealing with life transitions. She is the author of Feeling Good About You and Moving Up to Management for New Supervisors (both available on Amazon.com). Please visit Sandy on her website at www.insidejobscoach.com

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